heart

i browsed thru some Facebook photos and saw my ex-TEENz cell member in some of the Thailand mission trip photos, and I cried.

last sunday he came looking for me @ english service, just to tell me abt his trip & how he donated most of his spending money to the church. still has the usual reservation & insecurity in his eyes, but i can see that he has slowly opened up.. praise God.

I thank God and truly am grateful to see the first fruits of impacting a teenager's life, and I am comforted that those years spent with the little ones, however insignificant they may be, are never wasted.

wonder

I wonder what to do with a person who can sing, write, play drums and talk a bit.. Close friend's fiance told me that was it because of drumming that nobody noticed that i can sing & harmonise well. And there were some bloggers & past awards that say I can write well. my manager say i can work well in regards to corporate tax compliance. And some of my friends said I can talk well in certain areas, my manager encouraged me to join the toastmasters club to improve my speech & leadership skills.

I feel that at 24, there's much more room for growth but I don't know where to go or develop it for personal satisfaction & for the glory of your name. Sometimes I just felt that I should be some place else, or was I avoiding life or experiencing common discontentment.

The way

Search my heart O God and know me..

I'm tired..

Lead me in the way everlasting,
not by works but by your grace alone
shall I stand.

And I will rise and continue to run with much perseverence the race you set out for me
Let my eyes see your face always
and your will be my will

May the meditations of my heart be pleasing unto You
May the words I speak pour forth your healing, nourishment and truth
May my actions be full of integrity and righteousness
May my thoughts always be with you

Break my heart O God
Let me decrease and you increase
that I leave behind a shadow of your legacy
all the days of my life

Who is like you, O God
Who made the magnificent heavens
Who cover the earth with the sea and commands the path of stars

Who is like you, O God
Ruler of the earth
Nations rise and fall, but your word remains

I sing your praises, your wondrous works,
Let my heart never cease to be amazed by you.

I am yours, forever.
You lead me like a sheep to green pastures,
you carry me out of the rocky valleys,
you nurse my wounds and warn me out of pitfalls.

Great is your love towards me,
Great is your love.
How high, how far and wide
Who can fathom the depths of your love?

For you alone are good,
you never forsake me.
I will soar beneath the shadow of your wing.
You will carry me through.

Principles to live by

Compiling a list as a reminder to myself..


1. Be rich towards God, don't only store up treasures for myself (Luke 12:13-21)

"Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions"

2. Hold your tongue, watch your words. (Proverbs)

Let it commend knowledge, bring healing, avoid sin, bring forth wisdom, speaks truth.

sick again??!!!!

i don't want to fall sick on a bi-weekly basis... :(

it is when u are sick, you started to miss things that are close to your heart.

prayed for

Pastor Tim Gibson prayed for me after service. He prayed that I will be a man after God's heart. and he prayed for more wisdom, more wisdom.

What's is it like to be a man after God's heart?

passed again the 2nd interview of my life

had interview with audit manager n office manager regarding transfer to the external audit department.

it feels like changing a job to a new place, the manager told me about the busy days including weekends, the need to travel to overseas for long periods of time. told me to be mentally prepared.

told God that if he wants me to go, then let me have it.

the next day my transfer has been confirmed =) but still dunno when and which team i will be in, hopefully will be Meriana's. Praise you God for your guidance.


Last sunday was a full day, guided Vic Goh in his drums. gave comments for the CBC musician audition. The boy who moved from KL is quite good in his foundation, he seems to be quite ok and might have a humble heart. and then there's this very shy 6 yr boy who didn't play in the end, too scared and shy but at least i showed him the right grip to hold and swing the drumsticks. later on fetch Grace jie and maggie to xiao qing's organic shop for lunch. Grace brought daily bread n her self-made bookmark to pass to Maggie. Praise God, when chemo is over, she will be able to follow up with Maggie to know Jesus more. Thank God for the fellowship and so long never see xiao qing, radiant as ever, getting married soon, happy for her =)

i need to remind myself to pray for boon yeong and yu xin's salvation. and i need to study more n have more rest in order to shake off the exhaustion.

that's about it, devotion n sleep.

final release

I have finally let go.. =)

I have finally gave my all, with almost my whole heart, all my cares and concerns, all my love which buries deep within me. Although it is not obvious, but I know I have done what i could do, I have gave it all and have no regrets, and now it is my time to move on to something even better that God has for me.

=)

I have my fears, I couldn't see much ahead with my cloudy eyes. But God kept reassuring me wherever I go that I do not have to fear. I do not have to fear the uncertain future, I do not have to fear turning into a failure, I do not have to fear that I have missed the best, because God has promised me that the very best is yet to come as I continue to walk on.

And he loves me.

He truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly loves me.

And he will never, ever let me go.

I can always place my heart in his hands and be not afraid.

For his perfect love casts out all fear.

His love for me is perfect.

And I can find my rest in loving him.

girls girls girls.. and more girls!! :-/

woah.. realised.

on average lunch out with 2-5 ladies every weekday during work, and then there's good friends, sis, church friends, tnt cell group...
ladies, pretty ladies, fun ladies, cute ladies, down-to-earth friendly ladies, normal ladies, sweet ladies..

..fun to hang out with........

like i'm living in a ladies' world.


but,



( light, silent sigh)

God knows your pain

had trouble concentrating on my revision today (sat), went back to JB, felt so relaxed..

went to Pam's night meeting, she spoke abt crying out to God. went for altar call thereafter, prayed and God's presence fell upon me.

Pam came over for a short while and said, "God knows your pain, release for His redemption".

don't understand at first, but later on think it's probably the worries I had and pain of the past, and released my heart to be fully devoted to Him.

power of the tongue

talked to my best friend. Talked about all my fears n worries. He told me the power of my tongue, my negativity. I've been shown how my negative words can influence him n others.

So..

Need God to wash over me, I must watch my tongue, speak life to myself n others n allow God's specific will in my life for this year to come to fulfillment. =)

Ecclesiastes 2:20

God, please

God... move into my life, take over me, i am dead to myself, live in me.

...... save my friend..

Perplexed

Perplexed:Full of difficulty or confusion or bewilderment
Bewilderment: Confusion resulting from failure to understand

2 Corinthians 4

Presence

God thank you for your presence, thank you that you see my very inner self and accept me as i am, truly as yours, your son, your loved one. I still don't know why these few days i cry everytime i hear you saying that I am your son. But thank you anyway, thank you for my overbearing job, thank you for my awesome loving family, thank you for impressing diligence and perseverance in my life lately, it's very hard, but thank you.

Thank you for giving me talents which i am developing now, thank you for the gift of music, language and deep friendship. Thank you for accounts and taxation.

Thank you for the great people around me, thank you for the people who are away whom i miss, thank you for giving me opportunity to find you as my closest friend whom I can always come to and pour my heart. Help me not be just a blabbering fool but to listen to your heart and importantly, act upon your word.

May today once again be a day for you, a day for your approval and liking, a day for my stretching, a day to be the best for you. Thank you for teaching me to enjoy your every move, in enjoyable times and in times of discipline.

You are a great God, your thoughts are so far above mine I never could have figured out what you're "plotting" now, haha. You are loving, caring, faithful. Qualities which never fade by time. You go all the way to love me, help me to do the same to you.

Thank you for this morning, thank you for the light bird chirping and serene atmosphere. Thank you for my body purchased by your blood, high price, priceless. Thank you for all you are, your grace which i only understand a bit more, your presence which surrounds me.

Change me, Lord. Govern my mind and soul. Tell me how much you went in your passionate pursuit of me. Impress upon me your wisdom, open up my eyes, mind and ears. My heart. I am weak, blur, give up fairly easily, short-sighted, daydreamer and a time-waster. Mold me. Break me and restore me.

Time passes so fast, why ar, father. You know in my heart i like to ask whys, hehe. Help me to let go and live, let go of my daydreaming, my shortsightedness, my ideals and misconceptions about situations, people & you.

Help me believe. In your word, in your truth.

Thank you for music. Thank you for poetry. Thank you for practicality and thank you for artistic visions.

Make me clear my messy desk... ha, i'm soooo lazy to clear it... sian.

k la, i need to work liao, i want to study & be able to understand and absorb more... help. thanks.

i miss you, can u talk to me more today? I feel like a kid in office. I feel very small and sometimes too big. Be my balance, God.

ok, really gotha go.. sigh sigh sigh. hehe. no la, should give thanks always right. but i am really thankful, just that i don't like the discipline stuffs. ha.

You are good.


bye, byee byee.. eh, you're always sneaking up on me, don't have to say bye ever hor. ha.

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Whose woods these are I think I know.
His house is in the village though;
He will not see me stopping here
To watch his woods fill up with snow.

My little horse must think it queer
To stop without a farmhouse near
Between the woods and frozen lake
The darkest evening of the year.

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep,
And miles to go before I sleep,
And miles to go before I sleep.


-Robert Frost

Two butterflies went out at noon

Two butterflies went out at noon
And waltzed above a stream,
Then stepped straight through the firmament
And rested on a beam;

And then together bore away
Upon a shining sea,—
Though never yet, in any port,
Their coming mentioned be.

If spoken by the distant bird,
If met in ether sea
By frigate or by merchantman,
Report was not to me.


-Emily Dickinson

Valentine

Fix you

High up above or down below,
when you're too in love to let it go.
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth.
Lights will guide you home
and ignite your bones.
And I will try to fix you.