The heart cries for something more it doesn't know about.

And I pray that growing up means a bigger/different heart than a silent one.

Because silence means everyday a part of me is dying.



But i trust in you, my Saviour and my God,
Be my guide.

The heart cries for something more it doesn't know about.

Victor's Mission Statement

read abt books which encourage to write myself a mission statement and review it over the years to redefine it or check if i'm heading in the direction..


Victor's Mission Statement

To treat work as a means to financial freedom - freedom to love God in finances, freedom to empower my family to get by and maximise their individual potential and potential as a home, freedom to support the ministry and bless the neighbours.

To not be fearful when it comes to matters of the heart & when facing any challenges beyond myself. To not fear of change of environment & in meeting & working with new people.

.. will continue..

letting go of dreams

I probably have been holding to the old dreams which are not relevant for now n for the future.

Good time to embrace the new ones He has placed in my heart and run with purpose.

no sleep

for the first time in many many many months, i actually don't feel like sleeping even when it's late...

oh my goodness this is me

The phlegmatic-melancholic is introverted (though less so than the melancholic-phlegmatic), which means that his deep emotions and anxieties tend not to be clearly expressed. They tend to react extremely slowly when confronted by antagonism or strong emotions. They are personable, quiet, and gentle. They value harmonious relationships. When you are first entering a relationship with a phlegmatic-melancholic, you may be struck by how easy-going and agreeable they are, but be aware that they are not revealing the depth of their emotions to you. They are deeply sensitive and value harmony and high ideals within a relationship. As a result of his delayed and sometimes dull response, a phlegmatic-melancholic will be slower to speak out, tempted to procrastinate, and reticent. They may appear – or believe themselves -- at times to be “lazy.” At times when the melancholic aspect dominates, he will have plenty of time in which mull over in his mind what his response should have been. He may become easily offended (though he may not reveal this to you) or discouraged. The phlegmatic attentiveness to relationships, and to getting along and keeping the peace, will “take the edge off” some of the melancholic tendency to perfectionism and critical judgments of others. On the other hand, because he may be more easily offended, he may want to be critical of others yet hesitant to confront directly. The dominance of the phlegmatic temperament may also drive the melancholic proclivity to order and neatness out of the picture.
If you are a phlegmatic-melancholic, you will show a cooperative spirit and a desire to please, and will value harmonious relationships. You are particularly gifted in teaching, mediating among groups, and at counseling individuals. And though yours isn’t the most dynamic temperament, your lack of defensiveness, calmness under pressure, and gift for mediation in critical situations can make you a very effective servant-leader, one who is willing to roll up his sleeves and work along with those he leads by example.
This temperament combination can face at times a greater challenge to his confidence than other temperaments (especially the choleric or sanguine). For this reason, when you are facing a major challenge or have been given a multi-faceted and demanding project, it will be absolutely critical for you to maintain your level of energy and motivation — not to mention your prayer life-- to complete the project. You will want to anticipate the way your moods can get you off track, and take concrete steps to maintain accountability in order to remain focused and energized throughout the task. Motivational tapes, exercise and a healthy diet, spiritual guidance, and a strong sacramental life will be critical. You will also need to maintain your focus on the big picture at all times, and not be distracted by the “urgent” demands of the moment, or by what other people may ask of you. To this end, it is always wise to seek regular professional, personal, and spiritual guidance from qualified individuals. In order for the phlegmatic temperament to achieve success and reach his goals, he should always work with a motivational program that provides structure, inspires confidence, and ensures accountability.
If you are phlegmatic-melancholic, it’s likely that you are a bit more upbeat than the melancholic-phlegmatic, a little less introverted, more trusting, slightly less moody, more generous with your time, and a more gracious host. You will rarely find yourself angry (though your feelings may be easily hurt), forgive more readily, and do not hold onto hurts in the same way that a more dominantly melancholic temperament would. You are compassionate, sensitive, caring, and tend to gravitate to the helping professions. You are a patient and caring teacher. You are not as “perfectionist” as a pure melancholic, and generally struggle with organization, planning, and a tendency to procrastinate. You find it difficult to set limits or turn someone down who asks a favor of you; you may be especially drawn to volunteer or missionary work, the apostolate, or other works of mercy. Though very generous, you may find it difficult to set priorities or limits. Your phlegmatic side makes it hard to say “no” – although you really want to. Sometimes your generosity can result in not enough time to “get organized,” be prepared, or to relax. Burn-out and feeling overwhelmed may result.
If your temperament is phlegmatic-melancholic, for a better understanding of your temperament it is recommended that you read the full descriptions of the phlegmatic and melancholic.

Melancholy

Motivation: Intimacy

Needs: To Be Good (Morally), To Be Understood, To Be Appreciated, Acceptance,

Wants: To Reveal Insecurities, To Please Others, Autonomy, Security

Positives: Gifted, Self Sacrificing, Helpful, Thoughtful, Faithful

Negatives: Moody, Critical, Negative, Resentful, Suspicious

Phlegmatic

Motivation: Peace

Needs: To Feel Good (Inside), To Be Understood, To Be Respected, Acceptance, To Reveal Insecurities

Wants: To Please Others, Protection, Contentment

Positives: Peace Makers, Quiet, High Self Control, Calm in a Crisis, Efficient, Good Listener

Negatives: Unmotivated, Procrastinate, Indecisive, Fearful, Avoider

Prayer

Father..

Teach me and guide me that i may speak your words to those who come to me. That my life will always be a reflection of you and bring life and encouragement.

heart

i browsed thru some Facebook photos and saw my ex-TEENz cell member in some of the Thailand mission trip photos, and I cried.

last sunday he came looking for me @ english service, just to tell me abt his trip & how he donated most of his spending money to the church. still has the usual reservation & insecurity in his eyes, but i can see that he has slowly opened up.. praise God.

I thank God and truly am grateful to see the first fruits of impacting a teenager's life, and I am comforted that those years spent with the little ones, however insignificant they may be, are never wasted.

wonder

I wonder what to do with a person who can sing, write, play drums and talk a bit.. Close friend's fiance told me that was it because of drumming that nobody noticed that i can sing & harmonise well. And there were some bloggers & past awards that say I can write well. my manager say i can work well in regards to corporate tax compliance. And some of my friends said I can talk well in certain areas, my manager encouraged me to join the toastmasters club to improve my speech & leadership skills.

I feel that at 24, there's much more room for growth but I don't know where to go or develop it for personal satisfaction & for the glory of your name. Sometimes I just felt that I should be some place else, or was I avoiding life or experiencing common discontentment.

The way

Search my heart O God and know me..

I'm tired..

Lead me in the way everlasting,
not by works but by your grace alone
shall I stand.

And I will rise and continue to run with much perseverence the race you set out for me
Let my eyes see your face always
and your will be my will

May the meditations of my heart be pleasing unto You
May the words I speak pour forth your healing, nourishment and truth
May my actions be full of integrity and righteousness
May my thoughts always be with you

Break my heart O God
Let me decrease and you increase
that I leave behind a shadow of your legacy
all the days of my life

Who is like you, O God
Who made the magnificent heavens
Who cover the earth with the sea and commands the path of stars

Who is like you, O God
Ruler of the earth
Nations rise and fall, but your word remains

I sing your praises, your wondrous works,
Let my heart never cease to be amazed by you.

I am yours, forever.
You lead me like a sheep to green pastures,
you carry me out of the rocky valleys,
you nurse my wounds and warn me out of pitfalls.

Great is your love towards me,
Great is your love.
How high, how far and wide
Who can fathom the depths of your love?

For you alone are good,
you never forsake me.
I will soar beneath the shadow of your wing.
You will carry me through.

Principles to live by

Compiling a list as a reminder to myself..


1. Be rich towards God, don't only store up treasures for myself (Luke 12:13-21)

"Watch out! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; a man's life does not consist in the abundance of his possessions"

2. Hold your tongue, watch your words. (Proverbs)

Let it commend knowledge, bring healing, avoid sin, bring forth wisdom, speaks truth.

sick again??!!!!

i don't want to fall sick on a bi-weekly basis... :(

it is when u are sick, you started to miss things that are close to your heart.

prayed for

Pastor Tim Gibson prayed for me after service. He prayed that I will be a man after God's heart. and he prayed for more wisdom, more wisdom.

What's is it like to be a man after God's heart?

passed again the 2nd interview of my life

had interview with audit manager n office manager regarding transfer to the external audit department.

it feels like changing a job to a new place, the manager told me about the busy days including weekends, the need to travel to overseas for long periods of time. told me to be mentally prepared.

told God that if he wants me to go, then let me have it.

the next day my transfer has been confirmed =) but still dunno when and which team i will be in, hopefully will be Meriana's. Praise you God for your guidance.


Last sunday was a full day, guided Vic Goh in his drums. gave comments for the CBC musician audition. The boy who moved from KL is quite good in his foundation, he seems to be quite ok and might have a humble heart. and then there's this very shy 6 yr boy who didn't play in the end, too scared and shy but at least i showed him the right grip to hold and swing the drumsticks. later on fetch Grace jie and maggie to xiao qing's organic shop for lunch. Grace brought daily bread n her self-made bookmark to pass to Maggie. Praise God, when chemo is over, she will be able to follow up with Maggie to know Jesus more. Thank God for the fellowship and so long never see xiao qing, radiant as ever, getting married soon, happy for her =)

i need to remind myself to pray for boon yeong and yu xin's salvation. and i need to study more n have more rest in order to shake off the exhaustion.

that's about it, devotion n sleep.

final release

I have finally let go.. =)

I have finally gave my all, with almost my whole heart, all my cares and concerns, all my love which buries deep within me. Although it is not obvious, but I know I have done what i could do, I have gave it all and have no regrets, and now it is my time to move on to something even better that God has for me.

=)

I have my fears, I couldn't see much ahead with my cloudy eyes. But God kept reassuring me wherever I go that I do not have to fear. I do not have to fear the uncertain future, I do not have to fear turning into a failure, I do not have to fear that I have missed the best, because God has promised me that the very best is yet to come as I continue to walk on.

And he loves me.

He truly, sincerely, whole-heartedly loves me.

And he will never, ever let me go.

I can always place my heart in his hands and be not afraid.

For his perfect love casts out all fear.

His love for me is perfect.

And I can find my rest in loving him.

girls girls girls.. and more girls!! :-/

woah.. realised.

on average lunch out with 2-5 ladies every weekday during work, and then there's good friends, sis, church friends, tnt cell group...
ladies, pretty ladies, fun ladies, cute ladies, down-to-earth friendly ladies, normal ladies, sweet ladies..

..fun to hang out with........

like i'm living in a ladies' world.


but,



( light, silent sigh)

God knows your pain

had trouble concentrating on my revision today (sat), went back to JB, felt so relaxed..

went to Pam's night meeting, she spoke abt crying out to God. went for altar call thereafter, prayed and God's presence fell upon me.

Pam came over for a short while and said, "God knows your pain, release for His redemption".

don't understand at first, but later on think it's probably the worries I had and pain of the past, and released my heart to be fully devoted to Him.

power of the tongue

talked to my best friend. Talked about all my fears n worries. He told me the power of my tongue, my negativity. I've been shown how my negative words can influence him n others.

So..

Need God to wash over me, I must watch my tongue, speak life to myself n others n allow God's specific will in my life for this year to come to fulfillment. =)

Ecclesiastes 2:20

God, please

God... move into my life, take over me, i am dead to myself, live in me.

...... save my friend..